I always hate the idea of the literature exam back when I was in Vietnam. It usually writes about something within a certain time limit. As far as I can remember, in all of those exams, I tried to write as fast as I can and most of the time I didn’t have the time to think about what I was writing. I just write. I actually see no point in those exams. I feel that we don't have room for creativity and perfection within time limit. However, what surprised me was that all of those tests when I received them, they were not that bad. In fact, some of them got very high scores. If that is the case, I would always think that is sheer luck. 

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However, what surprised me the most was that within a certain time limit I could actually finish something. If I have to write just a short paragraph, it would take me days to even get started on it. However, those exams push me to do something I could never have done in my own time. I guess the exams have some point. At least, they push me to produce something rather than nothing though it may seem imperfect for me. Nothingness is scarier than anything. We don’t know what to see, to hear, to touch and we have nothing to compare it to. That is why to have something created within a moment is better than sits still for a lifetime and have nothing. 

 

 

Looking back, within the time limit, I feel that I just write, I just go for it without thinking. It was not perfect but the result turns out to be not that bad. However, those exam papers are still written under a structure of opening, middle, ending, and some other rules that I have learned since I was little. Those rules are embedded within me. And those rules are set to reach 10 points and for reaching perfection. 

 

And while I was creating this website, I was thinking about how can I create imperfection. I start to do many researches to find some inspiration but it doesn’t seem to help and I keep procrastinating. Moreover, at the same time, while trying to create imperfection, I was subconsciously doing things perfectly. I put the line in the correct order that I feel easier and comfortable for the eyes to see. I make sure the line is putting in the middle of the page to make things symmetrical. 

 

It is very strange because while I was trying to create that imperfection, I was also thinking or doing things perfectly subconsciously.

 

 

So to begin with I always have that intention for perfection. It seems to me that we cannot escape that. We cannot escape the need for perfection. 

 

But at this point, I’m not against perfection or have negative feelings toward it. I think more than ever I am embracing both perfection and imperfection. These two elements are guiding me in exploring my creativity. And the truth is I still think that whatever I create is not enough but I am happy that I get a chance just to do it. And I know that when I look back, it will for sure better than I thought it could be.